blame it on the killer eggs

August 4, 2006

Diner Diner burning bright
sober beacon
drunken night.

Java Java steaming hot
swore I wouldn’t
drink a lot.

Eggs Eggs slimy soft
all too soon
I send aloft.

Run Run for the door
retch my innards
to the floor.

Wake Wake tormented head
sweating gin
wish I were dead.

 

with apologies to William Blake

2 Responses to “blame it on the killer eggs”

  1. twitches Says:

    Diner Diner burning bright
    sober beacon
    drunken night.

    Love that stanza – great contrast between the “sober beacon” and the “drunken night.”

    Of course, it doesn’t work out that well for the narrator, does it?

    And “sweating vodka” – ew.

    This poem reminds me why I quit drinking.

  2. qazse Says:

    That’s what I was shooting for.

    As soon as I committed to the double word start of each stanza and switched into first person the poem took on a whimsical air and I went with it. I was trying to squeeze in a poem (food theme) for Poetry Thursday a couple weeks ago and just didn’t have time to tweek with the meter. I still don’t know if the meter works well. For example, would “slimy soft” be better than slimy and soft? I know, I know, they are equally disgusting
    Thanks for the look and comment. Comments are helpful. I have no formal training and consequently never have been critiqued.

    PS If you want to see some no-bull feedback see the comment regarding the post “dreamer” from 7/18/06. I agree with it.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s