blame it on the killer eggs
August 4, 2006
Diner Diner burning bright
sober beacon
drunken night.
Java Java steaming hot
swore I wouldn’t
drink a lot.
Eggs Eggs slimy soft
all too soon
I send aloft.
Run Run for the door
retch my innards
to the floor.
Wake Wake tormented head
sweating gin
wish I were dead.
with apologies to William Blake
qazse 
August 4, 2006 at 6:59 pm
Diner Diner burning bright
sober beacon
drunken night.
Love that stanza – great contrast between the “sober beacon” and the “drunken night.”
Of course, it doesn’t work out that well for the narrator, does it?
And “sweating vodka” – ew.
This poem reminds me why I quit drinking.
August 5, 2006 at 12:18 am
That’s what I was shooting for.
As soon as I committed to the double word start of each stanza and switched into first person the poem took on a whimsical air and I went with it. I was trying to squeeze in a poem (food theme) for Poetry Thursday a couple weeks ago and just didn’t have time to tweek with the meter. I still don’t know if the meter works well. For example, would “slimy soft” be better than slimy and soft? I know, I know, they are equally disgusting
Thanks for the look and comment. Comments are helpful. I have no formal training and consequently never have been critiqued.
PS If you want to see some no-bull feedback see the comment regarding the post “dreamer” from 7/18/06. I agree with it.