wrestling with congruency
What if it all explodes,
the universe inside
pushed through
its fragile shell
overwhelming
all that exists
above the big hole.
What if bricks fly
like leaves in a hurricane,
cellos burn like straw,
fingers napalm
lips paper.
Will you hail the second coming?
Posted in Armageddon, Armageddonists, EvilDoers, Iraqathon, maximization of fear, Miscellaneous, peace, poem, Poetry, Religious Right, Robots, starvation, violence, war, writing | 25 Comments »
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qazse
September 26, 2006 at 5:49 pm
I like the repeat of the “up and down” and love the message of this poem. I hope I have a little more time so that the successes of my heart outweigh its failures. Thank you for this.
September 26, 2006 at 8:01 pm
thanks Jules. It is hard to imagine you as having anything but successes of the heart!
I am going to be writing more and about the armageddon/end-time mindset as it relates to politics and policy in the upcoming months. It is disturbing to me that people like Senator Santorum ascribe to the belief that there can never be true peace until the end-time and only those who follow Jesus Christ will be saved. It is sad sad folly.
Peace
September 27, 2006 at 12:52 am
I like the universe bursts out from within.
I can see it.
The rhythm speaks the tone, there is a cadence.
Oh yea.
Kim
September 27, 2006 at 3:18 am
makes you wonder how
these damn quacks got in office
who voted them in?
September 27, 2006 at 4:17 am
Moved and saddened by this writing… it’s got some power. I think of a documentary I saw about Hiroshima.
Regards.
September 27, 2006 at 4:46 pm
until you see nothing/but the failures/ of your heart
that’s sad and chilling.
xo, L
September 27, 2006 at 7:49 pm
LQ:
rigged elections
manipulated voters
and sound-byte thinking
BL, fencer, Jules, KT, LQ, :
I am also working on a poem called Driving to Cello. It is based on a converstaion I had one Saturday morning while driving my son to his cello lesson. It happened to be the anniversary of Hiroshima. He contemplated what a bomb would do if one landed nearby. Later, while listening to him and his teacher play Mozart, tears welled up in my eyes as I realized all the instruments and musicians who have perished as victims in war. Then, even more tears came up uncontrollably with the recognition that the music and humanity have prevailed. May it always be so. Right on.
Thank you so much for reading and commenting.
Peace
September 28, 2006 at 1:24 pm
This was truly amazing! How come I had not found this blog sooner?
I love your use of words, it’s refreshing.
You’ve found a new fan…
September 28, 2006 at 1:26 pm
Inspirational. I haven’t read good poetry like this in awhile…
September 28, 2006 at 9:39 pm
Dear Anonymous and Leo,
(Leo meet Anon; Anon this is Leo)
Thank you both for the very enthusiastic remarks. I am thrilled the poem speaks to you. Hope you stop back again!
Peace and Happy Trails
September 28, 2006 at 10:28 pm
So, I read this again. And, again.
When I read your poetry qazse I experience it fully but find myself a bit speechless. This is not a common phenomena in my life. Language baby am I.
What is touching to me is the cello burning,
No, not touching, It rips my fucking soul out. There, that’s better
I felt that moment of the poem the deepest. Burning like straw. Let’s just decide because we are horndogs (yes, crass, I know) for our own mono-vision that nothing, Nothing; I mean nothing else matters but our committment to our own desires.
And, I mean this. I do not see anyone talking to anyone else, if you will. And I am pissed, hurt, scared, insulted, in awe of this factor in our world right now.
I would never, well never say never, know how to articulate this as you do.
I do not have children. I have children in my life though and I look at them and I wonder. I wonder about a lot of things actually.
Thanks for a place to read, feel, think and share that back.
Kim
September 28, 2006 at 10:51 pm
Oh damn. I have to write a PS.
When I still had television and could reach PBS I saw a documentary on Hiroshima and a photo exhibit.
I went to visit my brother in Berkeley and lo and behold: It was a the Ansel Adams photo museum.
I saw this exhibit, if the word saw can even be used.
NO WORDS.
Kim
September 29, 2006 at 3:25 pm
I don’t normally do this, but I think this poem is really close to perfection, soooooo:
I don’t think you need anything past “will you hail the second coming.” The idea of heart-failures, I think, is contained perfectly in the idea of hailing the destruction, and I don’t think those last two stanzas add anything to the poem that isn’t already there.
Also, somehow, I think it should end with those cellos burning like straw. It’s such a powerful image.
OK, done being obnoxious.
September 30, 2006 at 1:44 am
Great Poem! Nice Blog! Im a keeper!
God Bless!
October 1, 2006 at 12:58 am
twitches, you are not being obnoxious! You know I respect your skills and sensibilities as a poet. I am flattered you would take the time to read me no less give constructive comment. Thank you.
I think I agree with what you say. I was originally going for this gleeful image turning into a “holy shit what have I done?” recognition. But I think you are right – it is already implicated. Sometimes I think my poems are too brief and I may at times unconsciously protract them. ( No Freudian jokes please ) ( well go ahead if you must )
What do others think? Any concur or object? ( I am deluded to think anyone is going to re-read the comments but I will give it a shot)
October 1, 2006 at 2:53 am
I will re-read the poem and twitches comments. Umm, later this morning or afternoon depending on my sleep cycle.
Goodnightmorning,
Kim
October 1, 2006 at 11:46 am
i agree with twitches about cutting it off after ‘will you hail the second coming’. beyond that is distracting, almost filler. but i like the order of the cello stanza… when read aloud, it sounds as if there is a receding echo.
October 1, 2006 at 6:02 pm
Well, I re-read twitches post and the poem several times and twitches has a point.
I think it comes to what is implied, included, inclusive in what you say before those other lines.
Reminds me of teaching my students the power of language without all the stuff they think they need.
Hmmm….
I like the rythm with the last lines but cutting them out brings you to the post apocalypse of silence–which follows heart failure.
You are such an articulate poet qaze that I have trouble doing what twitches did.
Try it.
Take care,
Kim
October 1, 2006 at 10:09 pm
Kim – please don’t be reluctant to tell me what you think I could change to improve my writing and communication. I respect your opinion and invite it. I consider myself a student rather than a poet. Thanks for the feedback and compliment.
Liquidquick – thank you
reading, thinking, commenting
it was most helpful
Twitches – thank you so much for initiating this. I know it can be a hard thing to do with someone you don’t know real well. Although I would have changed it per our discussion anyway, I wanted to give the others who liked parts of the last two stanzas an opportunity to weigh in.
This was the original post:
what if it all explodes,
the universe inside
bursting open
its fragile shell
overwhelming
all that exists
above the big hole.
what if bricks fly
like leaves in a hurricane
and cellos burn like straw
fingers like napalm
lips like paper
will you hail the second coming?
jumping up and down
up and down
up and down
until you see nothing
but the failures
of your heart.
October 2, 2006 at 5:35 pm
Yeah, I like it ending where it does now…although I like the cello/straw line, it doesn’t make much sense as an ending. Good call!
October 2, 2006 at 6:52 pm
Steve –
I am sorry I have not responded to you kind comment until now. I viewed your website and see you are a believer in the end-time. I can see that my poem as originally posted may have led you to think I am also a believer in armageddon. The truth is – I am not. I am a beliver in God but not in the end-time scenario.
I once heard Billy Graham’s son assert there can be no peace until the end time. I find that so ironic. We are commanded to love one another and not kill etc. yet, are we also to believe that none of this will bear fruit now; that all peace conferences are futile. That children are doomed to suffer for lack of even trying until the end ? If I were Satan – that is what I would want Christians to believe – ie focus on your rituals and minutia; fight among yourselves; call each other heretics; believe that attempts to make peace are futile while the world goes to hell.
I (a Christian) once had a neighbor who claimed my Jewish niece would burn in hell if she did not accept Jesus Christ as her saviour. Even if she kept the commandments perfectly, discovered a cure for cancer and left all her money to the poor – she was toast. Those are the fighting words of men not the spirit of God the Father. The God who is called Love.
I find people are turned off by religion because of all the pettiness and devisiveness they witness everyday.
I welcome you comments and hope I did not come off too agressively.
Peace
October 4, 2006 at 2:02 am
I look forward to Driving to Cello…sounds like an enlightening experience
December 28, 2006 at 9:03 am
a very powerful and capable poem, being a person whom falls into that frame of reference, ie; I too attend to feelings of belief in such things, yet not in the same way that is demonstrated in the media. There are more than one way to reflect upon the end of life as we know it, there are even more than one way to interpret Christian end time concepts.
enough of that, it is a wonderful poem and I agree, I think the last line is unnecessary.
sept 26th! wow, how did I fall into such an old post?
December 28, 2006 at 9:19 am
Definitely improved by the editing (less is usually more in poetry as far as I’m concerned), excellent thought provoking poem.
December 28, 2006 at 10:52 am
Good to see this one up again – me likey.